Evening Dress Trap
by kim-onka
Summary: Mammon gets invited to a wedding. Yes, that wedding. And the Varia insist their illusionist should represent them proudly. Is it just her, or is everyone out to force her into evening dress? And they don't even know her gender... Well, they'll have to pay, that's for sure. Slight BelMammon.
1. Chapter 1

So I had this idea… in fact I had it for a while and originally I was going to write it with adult Mammon, but the way canon has it offers interesting possibilities, too. If you think Mammon would rather blow up the Varia base than comply, I understand it, but… I couldn't help myself ;)

Cover picture by soshi185, in reply to my appeal for illustrations. And I still want them, even if the cover is taken ;) Please?

I disclaim.

Have fun.

* * *

Mammon entered the dining room in the Varia mansion and immediately found herself at the centre of attention of her fellow members – all except the boss, who was habitually absent. This alerted the illusionist, who was used to being completely ignored at the table as everybody was busy eating/throwing food at one another/throwing weapons at one another. That suited her fine, since it meant she could eat in relative peace and only sometimes had to duck.

She went over to her place and helped herself to strawberry jam. Whatever it was, no sense in facing it on an empty stomach.

'Mammy-chan~!' Lussuria exclaimed when the illusionist was halfway through her second sandwich. These people had always had a peculiar timing. 'You have a letter~!'

The Varia's resident illusionist raised her eyebrows in surprise, even though no-one could notice it.

Strange as it might sound, it was actually possible to post a letter to the Varia mansion through normal postal service. There was a letter box by the gate and it was, in fact, regularly emptied, usually by Levi or Lussuria first thing in the morning. And no matter how early the officers rose, the post would've already arrived; after a certain incident involving an umbrella, tweezers and a beauty mask postmen had taken to arriving surreptitiously before dawn, often dressed in military-inspired camouflage clothing. With real bush twigs.

But the usual content of the mailbox consisted largely of various magazines the officers were subscribing to, plus leaflets. They post office had once offered, in a desperate hope to appease the most dreaded customers, to stop delivering ads and similar stuff, but that had been vetoed by Lussuria, who claimed they were pretty interesting and helpful, and Mammon, who considered that if they insisted on having a fireplace, it would be bloody stupid to turn down free fuel. In any case, it was not often that someone, let alone Mammon, received a real letter. The last one had been from Reborn, and it had been delivered by a bird. She remembered it distinctly, since the bird had broken her window and later she had demanded that Reborn cover the repair costs.

'Well then,' the illusionist said after a while, 'I guess I'd like to see it.'

There was some exchange of looks and after some rustling and rummaging an envelope was produced from Bel's pocket. It had doves on it. And it was open.

Apart from the brilliant opportunity to overestimate window repair costs, bird-delivered letters had the advantage over normal post that they were brought to you directly. In the Varia, if you wanted privacy, the best strategy was to keep everything secret or, optionally, make the others believe your personal affairs weren't interesting enough to concern themselves with. The latter worked well for Levi, although perhaps not intentionally. Demanding privacy had the opposite effect.

'Anything interesting?' Mammon inquired, taking the envelope and glaring around. Admittedly, no-one could see Mammon's glare as such, but she was good at emitting a menacing aura that worked even better.

'Very nice, shishishi,' Bel volunteered. 'Could be… entertaining.' He grinned, which in any case was his default face expression, but worried Mammon slightly.

Lussuria and Squalo laughed shortly, which worried her even more.

She opened the envelope, producing a piece of white cardboard edged with gold. She read it.

'Mu, a _wedding_?'

Well, it had always been only a matter of time, and neither being dead, of course, but a wedding already? And they were actually inviting her?

'Yes! Isn't it _delightful~?!_'

It occurred to Mammon that Lal Mirch, were she to learn her wedding was described as "delightful" by Lussuria, would surely strangle someone to death. The illusionist suddenly felt tempted to tell her.

'And who are they again?' asked Levi, who was a little behind with the events.

'The Prince thinks you're stupid,' Bel declared, which was nothing new in Mammon's opinion. 'That's the chibi who trained the boxing kid and the chick from CEDEF, the one with the centipedes.'

Mammon didn't know about any centipedes and concluded it was probably something to do with the dream about the future and therefore nothing to do with her. She was amazed Bel was able to identify both Colonnello and Lal, but she still wasn't sure where this was going.

'Which means the boxing kid is likely to be there too!' Lussuria was all enthusiasm, and Mammon felt a twang of panic. She glanced back to the invitation. …_Mammon… with an accompanying person. _Oh, shit. Were they _crazy_?

'Mu, I didn't sa-'

'Shishishi, worry not, baby. The Prince has decided to accompany you and grace this little party with his royal presence.'

Bel grinned at Mammon, who couldn't help but be relieved and took care not to show it.

'Mammy-chan surely prefers to take someone who knows how to party and has sty-'

'Mammon prefers the Prince,' Bel announced with dignity. 'The Prince knows how to behave in company.'

In the privacy of her hood Mammon doubted this, but focused on chasing away the thought of going to a wedding with Lussuria.

'VOI! YOU? WHEN HAVE YOU LAST BEEN IN "COMPANY", IDIOTIC PRINCE?'

'His royal blood will tell the Prince.' The blond was unfazed.

All right, thought Mammon, there were two Varia officers quarreling over whom she would take with her to a wedding. And it looked like, for now, they were fighting over whom she would _prefer_ to take with her. What was wrong with the picture?

'Ne, Mammy-chan, think of the fun we could have together~ and with all those pretty boys~ '

'VOI, IF I WERE MAMMON, I WOULD RATHER CUT MY THROAT THAN SHOW MYSELF IN PUBLIC WITH THE GAYLORD!'

That, the illusionist had to admit, summed up her feelings quite well.

'Ooooohhh, don't say that, Squ, I'm hurt~'

'Shishishi, _if you were Mammon_? Does that mean-'

'YOU SHUT UP, IDIOT PRINCE! VOOOOIII!' There was a sword at Bel's throat at this point. Knives glistened in his hand.

'Oh, does Squ want to go with Mammy-chan too?'

That diverted Squalo's attention from the Prince.

'HELL NO! WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO TO A WEDDING?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!'

'Shishishi, you're just saying that because you know Mammon will pick the Prince. The young sword brat might be there too, you know.'

'HE WILL?' Bel and Lussuria giggled. 'VOOIII, WHAT DO I CARE?! STUPID BABY, MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY, VOI!'

'Of course Mammy-chan will pick Luss-nee-chan, I'm more fu-'

'Mu, no,' the illusionist said quickly, before anyone could offer her a bribe. If Lussuria tried to pay her, she might feel compelled to accept, and she definitely didn't want to be persuaded, in any way, to go anywhere with that… individual. No, no and no. Mammon had her pride.

'The Prince knew, shishishi. No peasant would miss an occasion to go out with a Prince.'

_Go out? When did it come to going out?_

'Bel-chan then?' The Varia's Sun Guardian dimmed a little.

But soon he brightened again.

'Then all that's left is to decide what you'll be wearing,' he said happily.

'Wearing..? Mu, I-'

'No, that won't do~!' Lussuria exclaimed cheerfully, not bothering to listen to what the illusionist actually wanted to say. 'We'll find you something special~! '

Struck with a terrible presentiment, Mammon referred to the invitation again. _Evening dress required_. …Great.

The illusionist had never been invited to a wedding before in her life, but she strongly suspected this was not a usual thing to write in an invitation. Normally it should be obvious; how did one dress for a wedding? So afterwards she could state "You never said" and it would be their own fault. The conclusion was that they had included this sentence on purpose to trick her into wearing evening dress.

Evening dress appropriate for her gender, which still remained unknown to the general public.

It had to be Colonnello behind this.

Unless it was Reborn. Lately it seemed to Mammon Reborn was behind everything. On the other hand, Lal wouldn't let him come within ten kilometres of her wedding preparations, neither metaphorically nor literally. Maybe Mammon was finally getting paranoid.

Well, she wasn't going to fall for this.

'Purple,' Bel was saying. 'Definitely purple, as befits a Prince. Plus, the baby's hair is purple, it will match.'

'Aaawww, it'll be so cuuuteee~ What a shame I couldn't see Mammy-chan's hair~'

'Don't even-'

'Which of you will be wearing a dress?'

A brief moment of silence greeted this question, which Mammon quickly employed before hell could break lose.

'Mu, I didn't say I was even going,' she pointed out, wearily.

While a wedding had its good points, namely free food in huge quantities (cake), and the illusionist had always considered Lal to be one of the more agreeable members of Il Prescelti Sette (she minded her own business and didn't follow people around to discover what gender they were), she refused to fall for this evening dress trap.

'VOI! OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING!'

Mammon blinked, which passed unnoticed.

'What?'

'The Prince has ordered so,' Bel put in.

'Mu, I-'

'VOOOI! THE IDIOTIC PRINCE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! YOU ARE GOING TO PROUDLY REPRESENT THE VARIA!'

'Say wha-'

'THAT WOMAN IS A CEDEF MEMBER!' Squalo pointed his sword in Mammon's general direction, which baffled her a bit until she understood he was indicating the invitation she was holding.

'Mu, what does tha-'

'This is an important occasion for all Vongola and we cannot allow a Varia officer to turn down an invitation, you'd be disappointing the Boss!' Levi.

That wouldn't have occurred to Mammon. She wondered if it could have occurred to Lal Mirch. This was not likely.

'Mu, I really don't think she-'

'VOOOI! YOU ARE GOING, BABY TRASH! NO ARGUMENT!'

She had recently saved the captain's life. What had been wrong with her head?

'With the Prince, shishishi.'

Mammon blinked again, readjusting her attitude. In the Varia, you learnt to adapt fast.

'Then if it's a diplomatic mission, I want payment.'

'Mission? Your friends' wedding is hardly a mission, Mammy-chan~!'

Mammon ignored the "friends" part and was just about to snap back, but she was interrupted. Again.

'FINE! BABY TRASH WILL BE PAID! VOI!'

The illusionist relaxed slightly. Too soon.

'Then about that dress~'

'My cloak-' Mammon began quickly.

'-won't do! I told you already, didn't I, Mammy-chan~? You have to wear either a suit or a dress! Don't worry, we'll style you something sweet~!'

_Now_ the illusionist was _really_ worried.

'The Prince will find himself a royal suit worthy of the Prince. The baby can do as the baby pleases.'

'Black is appropriate for all occasions,' said Mammon desperately. She remembered hearing something along those lines from Luce, years before. Luce, the woman who had always worn white, but that was beside the point.

'No for a wedding it's not~! Unless it's a suit. A black dress or a white dress at a wedding is very bad manners~!'

'Mu, I. Will. Not. Wear. A. Dress. Or. A. Suit. Forget it!'

'You will not disgrace the Boss by being inappropriately dressed!'

'I don't think he gives a-'

'But if Bel-chan wears a suit, Mammy-chan must wear a dress~! Mammy-chan will look soooo adorable~! '

Mammon had a brief thought regarding the question who would be the one wearing a dress if she had agreed to take Lussuria, and decided not to entertain it.

'HA! IF MAMMON WEARS A DRESS, IT MAKES HIM A CREEPY CROSSDRESSER, VOI!'

The illusionist shuddered.

'Look who's talking,' said Levi under his breath.

'VVOOOIII! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!'

'The Prince pities your narrow horizons. Wearing a dress makes Mammon a girl. If the baby decides to.'

Well that was more like it.

'Weeelll, which will it be, Mammy-chan~?'

'The Prince would not object to the baby wearing a suit, either. The Prince prefers a guy to a creepy crossdresser.'

'How generous, and here I thought it was me taking you,' Mammon muttered under her breath.

She gritted her teeth. Experience told her that her fellow officers could easily be stupid enough to mean everything they were saying, but something else – paranoia? – insisted they, too, were doing this on purpose.

Come to think of it, Colonnello had that stupid bird that carried him around, didn't he?

Could it be-?

…Was she really developing some sort of persecution mania?

Now, she could easily take down everybody in the room if she used her illusions, escape to another country… It sounded so inviting…

'You can't even begin to imagine how much this is going to cost you,' she muttered.

'The Varia's image has value beyond money!' Levi, of course.

Squalo, Lussuria and Bel exchanged looks.

'Well then the Prince is sure you will be happy to pay the baby yourself, shishishi…. Now the baby has to call the centipede bride lady to tell her she will have the honour of having the Prince as a guest.'

'Mu,' said Mammon non-committedly and teleported herself back to her room.

._._._._._.

The illusionist sat down, picked up the phone and dialed the number she had found on the invitation.

'_Lal Mi-_'

'Tell your fiancé I hate him,' said Mammon.

'_Okay. Anything else you wanted, Mammon?_'

'Mu, I will come to that wedding of yours,' said the illusionist gravely.

'_Good. Are you taking anyone with you?_'

'Bel.'

'_All right. I suppose it could be worse.'_

'So do I. Tell me, who else of the Arcobaleno have you invited?_'_

'_Everyone, although personally I hope Verde won't come.'_

Oh, no. So that creep would be there too.

'Mu, did you have such hopes for me too?_'_

'_You? No. You're not half as eager to spoil everyone's mood as he is.'_

'Mu, point. Bye.' Mammon hung up. No need to waste money.

She sighed. Time to start the preparations, then.

._._._._._.

The first thing Mammon did was cast all sorts of illusions around her room, so that if someone trespassed on her territory, he would be instantly a. blinded, b. attacked by his worst nightmares, c. violently thrown out, d. unable to sleep for a month. Then she carefully locked the door and blocked it with a wardrobe, for good measure.

Then she sneaked out through the window and flew to town.

Mammon could attend a wedding. Mammon would even attend a wedding in evening dress. But she would die before she attended a wedding in evening dress styled by Lussuria.

._._._._._.

'It does not do to make the Prince wait, baby,' said Bel from the other side of her door.

'Shut up, Bel.'

'The Prince wonders if you are making your eyes, shishi.'

'Mu, you wish,' Mammon answered, carefully arranging the thick, dark – but not black - veil flowing from the fancy tiny hat perched over her forehead, so that it would artfully obscure the upper half of her face.

She regarded herself in the mirror and resisted the urge to face-palm.

No, she didn't look all that bad, but…

'Mammy-chan, you need to go or you'll be late~!'

…she didn't feel like having people look at her.

The illusionist reminded herself she had to brave – she was being paid for this after all – and opened the door.

'…' was the collective response to the sight of Mammon in a miniature but flowing ball gown made of purple silk, with buffed sleeves, frills, creases, sequins and a huge bow tied around her waist. Not to mention the way her hair was combed high up and coming down in waves – not very long, but still waves. And the hat. And everything.

She glared at them through the veil.

'Mammy-chan you're so cute~! I'm so glad you went for a dress after all~! I wanna hug you~!'

'VOOOI, ANOTHER CREEPY CROSSDRESSER!'

'Is… that… _Mammon_?!'

'The Prince thinks you're all stupid. That's the Prince's little lady companion, shishishishi.'

Bel picked Mammon up and situated her on his shoulder, taking care to arrange the folds of the dress. She noticed he was wearing a dark grey, shiny suit, a light purple shirt and a dark purple tie. And his tiara, of course.

Not unlike many women before her, she reflected men had it easier.

'The Prince thinks the evening will be ours, shishishi.'

Mammon feared Bel could be right.


	2. Chapter 2

As promised, part two~! Thank you for all the favs, alerts and reviews :) Particularly guest reviews, since I haven't had a chance to thank you yet.

Maya, you have a point :)

Regarding the question if the Varia know Mammon's true gender now: No, not _know_ as such, since she hasn't confirmed anything. Bel is sure he knows, Squalo is deeply suspicious, Lussuria doesn't care as long as Mammon wears a dress, Levi doesn't want to think too much into it so he assumes she's a girl and Xanxus is offscreen eating steak.

I'd also like to thank Samantha Riccio for the inspiring discussion about the guest list and who'll want to kill who :) There are more people invited than mentioned here, of course.

Once again, have fun.

* * *

Mammon had never attended a wedding before, but she had picked up the idea somewhere that if there was a person that should, during such an occasion, should be the centre of attention at all times and the object of admiring glances, it was the bride. This made sense, since she had this very expensive dress with lace and little pearls and flowers and probably the way her hair was more curly than normal and the flowing veil and all had cost serious money; so it was only natural the guests were expected to show due appreciation (although, in Mammon's opinion, it still wasn't worth the money).

In short, they were supposed to ogle at the bride.

The bride, as in, _not Mammon_.

Admittedly, people _were_ staring at Lal, because Lal all in angelic white and in close proximity of flowers was an unusual phenomenon all by herself. Even Mammon had to admit that.

But the illusionist still felt that the share of attention she was getting was too large for her liking. And far too intense.

It wasn't all that bad before and during the ceremony, when the guests hadn't yet forgotten what was expected of them and in any case were too busy commenting on the arrangement and complimenting each other's clothes to pay attention to a couple of Varia officers who weren't exactly friends with anyone much. Or maybe they felt it wasn't the right moment to risk provoking a fight.

If so, they were worrying unduly, because Bel had instructed Mammon that it wouldn't Do to disturb the ceremony with a fight and if the Prince, as it might happen, felt he had to fight, he would wait and hold it at the reception, when it could get everyone's unrivaled attention. That made perfect sense in his royal logic.

He had also told Mammon that tentacles didn't go with her dress.

The illusionist was pretty surprised at that sudden insistence on, not mention knowledge of, etiquette, but as Bel had pointed out, he was a Prince, after all.

He had even insisted on bringing a present and ordered it, although he had demanded Mammon carry it because the Prince liked to have his hands free. As a result, the box was hovering in the air by his ear.

Finally, the ceremony ended and it was time to present compliments.

From her position on Bel's shoulder (although in all fairness Bel was not particularly tall either) Mammon could watch the newlyweds as they accepted good wishes and gifts. Colonnello looked plain happy and also mildly stunned, as if he couldn't quite believe what was happening. Lal, on the other hand, was a bit flushed, but otherwise she wore her standard expression of slightly annoyed boredom. She gave the impression of someone who had had it patiently yet firmly explained to her, several times over, that she should let people go "squeee" at her sight and proceed to embrace her and she should _not_ yell at them or knock them out when they did.

'Awww, Lal-san, you look so beautiful! This dress is so wonderful, it's like a dream!'

'Thank you, I'm glad you came,' Lal would say over the girl's shoulders.

When, eventually, it was Bel and Mammon's turn, the bride greeted them with an exasperated look which clearly said that she would withstand much, but she would rather the Varia didn't hug her, thanks all the same.

She did look a bit surprised when she saw Mammon, but made no comment about the illusionist's appearance. That was what Mammon liked about her. Unfortunately, that couldn't be said about Colonnello.

'Mammon and Belphegor,' said Lal, 'thank you for coming.'

'The Prince does not appreciate the peasant is mentioned first.' Well, so much for etiquette.

Lal merely shrugged, which looked a bit abstract in wedding dress. Another thing Mammon appreciated: recognising when arguing with lunatics was pointless.

The illusionist made an effort to try and conjure up some good wishes which wouldn't sound stupid, but she was interrupted.

'What a lovely dress you're wearing, Mammon! It's nice to see you've decided to listen to your feminine side, kora!'

'My _what_?'

'You look like a lady, kora!'

Lal winced.

'Shishishi, of course. The Prince wouldn't take someone who wasn't a lady.'

Mammon thought that was rather contradictory to what Bel had said earlier, not to mention that she was the one invited, but kept silent.

She glared at Colonnello.

He grinned at her.

'I hate you,' she said.

'Yes, I heard, kora.'

'Mammon, aren't you forgetting something?' said Bel.

'Mu, right. This is for you.' She motion with her hand for the box to land in Lal's hands.

The bride eyed it suspiciously.

'It's not a bomb,' said Mammon, who knew that this wouldn't be an entirely unfounded suspicion.

'Shishishi, bombs lack _style_, and the Prince had picked something _stylish_.'

This didn't seem to ease Lal's doubts, but she wordlessly handed the box over to someone standing behind her.

'Thanks, kora,' said Colonnello, since his bride didn't appear eager to express her own gratitude.

And that was about that as for the official part. The other part was rather more noisy and with rather more people noting and pointing out Mammon's unusual attire.

In most cases, it went like this: first, people noticed Bel. They expressed their surprise at the fact that he had been invited. Bel shishishi'ed and said he was a Prince, after all. Then they looked at Mammon and stared for a moment, trying to decide if she was some sort of ornament the Prince's extravagance had made him add to his evening apparel, a sophisticated doll, someone unknown to them the blond had brought along, an illusion, or a hallucination ("I'm pretty sure I haven't drunk that much yet…"), while she would glare at them, although paying attention not to glare holes out in her veil (entirely possible for an esper).

Then they had an epiphany, which rendered them gawping and stuttering, and quickly escaped as Mammon's murderous aura grew and Bel laughed.

For instance:

'The knife bastard! Who the hell invited _him_?!'

'Shishishi.'

'Um, it must've been Colonnello or Lal, Gokudera-kun…'

'Look carefully, stupid Tsuna!'

'No way! What if he sneaked in to ambush the party, Jyuudaime?!'

'The Prince does not need to sneak in to parties. Everyone welcomes the Prince when the Prince arrives.'

'Gokudera-kun, please, I don't think Lal will appreciate the explosives…'

_Hmm, so the brat was afraid of Lal, was he?_

'And what's that on your shoulder, eh?! It looks very suspicious!'

'Mu.'

'That's… the Varia's Arcobaleno?!'

'Looks like your eyesight is improving, stupid Tsuna. Nice dress, Mammon. Aspiring for a child beauty pageant?'

'Mu. I see _you_ haven't made much effort, Reborn, you look the same as always.'

'B-but- i-is that-'

'Shishishishi.'

'A true Mafioso is elegant at all times, I've always said.'

'This is a cheap excuse for a peasant who hasn't found his style.'

A moment of silence greeted this verdict. Mammon glanced at Bel in surprise, reflecting that having him as her escort might pay off after all. At least, if the look on Reborn's face was any indication.

'_What. Did. You. Say?_'

'How dare you talk like that to Reborn-san!'

'The Prince talks however he likes to whoever he likes, shishishi.'

Mammon allowed herself a satisfied smirk. Yes, Bel _definitely_ knew how to behave in company.

'Gokudera-kun, I _asked_ you- R-reborn! You're not going to shoot right?!'

'Misbehaved brats need to be taught some respect.'

'The Prince admires your bad manners,' knives glistened in Bel's hands, 'to pull-'

Something swished through the air and hit Reborn's fedora hat, neatly taking it off.

They all glanced down. It was a knife. Not a knife like the blond's, but a perfectly normal piece of cutlery, not even particularly sharp.

They all looked in the direction from which the knife had been thrown, but were unable to identify the assaulter.

Reborn looked thoughtful, picked up his hat, pulled it over his eyes and walked away without another word, the brats quickly following.

'That went quite well,' Mammon commented. 'I wonder when they'll bring in the cake.'

Next up was Uni. She wore light blue dress and had Byakuran tagging along after her. This may not have been the most tactful move, since he had been responsible for the Arcobaleno's death in the future and apparently Lal had wanted to kill him, but Uni was sweet and adorable and reminded everyone of Luce, so she was allowed her little fancy of converting Byakuran for the good. At least, ever since he had appeared, Mammon had not yet seen anyone attack him on that basis.

Uni's eyes gleamed with joy.

'Mammon… Aunt Mammon!' she exclaimed happily, looking up at the illusionist. 'And Prince Belphegor, nice to meet you!'

Mammon stared. Bel grinned in satisfaction.

'Doesn't aunt Lal look absolutely wonderful? I'm so happy for them! And your dress is amazing, aunt Mammon! I love this little hat, it really suits you!'

This girl is so cheerily sincere, thought Mammon, so why do I feel so irritated?

'Yeah, Mammon-chan, you look awesome!' Byakuran put in.

'Mu, you still owe me money for the organs.'

'Ahahah, Mammon-chan, please don't spoil the mood… I'll pay you right away as soon as I have the money…'

'That'd better be soon.'

'Uni-chan, look! Cake!' Byakuran pulled Uni away.

'Coward,' muttered Mammon. 'Oh, no…' she added, having spotted the creep she had hoped not to spot. 'Mu, I think I'll get down…'

Carefully clutching her dress, the illusionist floated gracefully to the ground. Three, two, one…

'_VIPER?!_'

She shut her eyes for a moment before turning to the offending individual.

'Mammon,' she corrected, menacingly.

Skull ignored the correction and focused on the pressing matter.

'You're wearing a DRESS!'

'No kidding. And you're wearing a suit. It doesn't suit you, either.'

'How most unamusing,' said a bored voice from her left. Verde. What a shame, to disappoint the bride like that.

'And if you think that make-up goes with it, you're even more stupid than I thought, which is hard,' Mammon continued, not about to let the scientist throw her off her course (and that had been accidental, thank you very much).

'It's not make-up! And the suit seemed so somber- Anyway, so Viper is a GIRL?'

'Mu, _Mammon_,' said Mammon, still more menacingly.

'And she's been a girl this entire time?!' The stuntman was in a phase. Or something.

Mammon's eye twitched, and while no one could see _that_, they had to feel the intensifying aura of doom take over the illusionist's standard background irritation at as much as being in the same room as Skull. But Skull was never good at such subtleties, let alone in the current state of agitation.

'_What_ are you -' she stopped, and thought again. 'Just go away. Your stupidity is hurting me.'

'That's my line,' Verde offered lazily.

'Mu, got anything to add? And you don't look good in a suit either.'

'Not as good as Varia's Belphegor, perhaps?'

'The Prince will always look better than peasants,' said Bel.

'I am not interested in your opinion, I was talking to Mammon.'

'Mammon will tell you the same,' the Prince declared authoritatively.

'So Mammon and Belphegor -' Skull seemed very intent on digging his own grave this day.

'Shishishi, the peasant had better not gossip about the Prince…'

'Interesting case study material,' Verde mused.

'Is this all you're going to say about the fact that Vi- Mammon turned out to be a GIRL?'

'Turned out? No, as a scientist, I cannot regard this as conclusive proof.'

Mammon blinked.

'What?! Why? She's in a dress!'

'Are you implying it is impossible for a male to wear a dress? Would you like to test it?'

'W-well no… But if Mammon was a guy who liked dressing up as a girl, he wouldn't stick to that cloak, right?'

'We lack sufficient data on the reason why Mammon wears the cloak in the first place. It is possible that Mammon chose to make his gender ambiguous after his crossdressing inclinations had been ridiculed or had caused rejection. However, I repeat that this is only a theory.'

Mammon mentally face-palmed.

'The Prince thinks it's all gibberish,' Bel announced, but he was ignored.

'Are you saying that coming here in a dress proves Mammon is a guy? That makes no sense!' Skull protested.

'No. I did say it was not conclusive. Either way. But one detail you seem to be missing is that the female evening attire provides a better opportunity to hide one's face than the male one, which could be a reason why Mammon chose it. If we assume concealing face is Mammon's priority, the garment selection loses its significance as gender indication.'

That was actually true – Mammon was lucky there. But lucky or not, she was also vexed.

'Please, Verde, you're being impolite to the lady,' said Fon, who was suddenly standing next to Skull. 'May I say how lovely you look today, Mammon.'

Mammon made a face at him.

'I'm being rational, but perhaps _you_ have some reasons to believe Mammon is female which you are not sharing with us?'

'W-what?! Mammon… and Fon?!'

'_Are you out of your mind?_' Mammon drawled. Skull backed off.

'The Prince forbids you to gossip about Mammon either,' said Bel sharply.

Fon smiled. 'It is unwise to draw hasty conclusions. Politeness ought to suffice. Mammon?'

'Mu, what.'

'Will you honour me with a dance?'

'No.'

'But you will dance with the Prince,' Bel demanded, a bit out of the blue as far as Mammon was concerned. Was Bel actually acting _jealous_?

'Mu, fine.' At least she would be free of those idiots.

So Mammon danced with Bel, and then Bel suddenly decided that it was his royal duty to dance with the bride. The illusionist found that the idea of Prince the Ripper dancing with Lal Mirch was quite hard to fit into her mind, for all the vivid imagination she had, so she followed him.

Lal raised her eyebrows, but let Bel lead her to the dancefloor.

'Mammon..?' Colonnello began, but the illusionist ignored his proffered hand.

'I have to see this,' she muttered, 'or I won't believe it.'

A new song started.

Mammon stared.

Lal Mirch was known for her agility, quick reflexes, fluency of movement, the ability to read body movement of other people (okay, enemies) and swift reactions. And all this just failed to make up for the fact that she couldn't, in fact, dance.

And amazingly enough, it appeared Bel could.

'She can't really dance, kora,' said Colonnello, noticing the expression on the lower half of Mammon's face. 'They tried to teach her, but she got annoyed. She's not used to people teaching _her_.'

Not very surprising.

'Mu, and can _you_ dance?'

'No, not really, kora. And you?'

'No.'

'In fact, hardly anyone here can, but they don't let it spoil the fun. Hey, Mammon?'

'What again.'

'What's in that box, kora? That gift?'

'Mu, that? A set of cutlery.'

'_Cutlery?_'

'Bel's speciality. Mu, I want cake…' she waved a hand to make some float over.

The cake was good, therefore Mammon decided that the evening was not completely wasted. Oh, and Bel had angered Reborn, which was delicious, _and_ the illusionist had secretly recorded everything. You never knew what might sell. She also recorded several minor and three major fights. Perhaps all that, plus the money she had been promised, was worth dressing up in evening gown.

Not to mention Bel was apparently jealous of her. This was interesting.

Once more, he asked her to dance.

* * *

It turned into much more of a BelMam by the end… whatever. Sooo, who threw the knife? ;)


End file.
